We've been here before..

But, yet again, life in Nowhere-on-Thames has begun to revolve around the "Thames" part.
On a daily basis, the Environment Agency's robot phones us to warn that we may have some flooding, and exhorts us to move our valuables upstairs, just in case.

TH has been more preoccupied than usual by this turn of events, as it's the time of year when we renew our house insurance. And, of course, this is the year when the Government has decided to save yet more money by ceasing to provide some support to insurers, and hence the insured, in the form of financial support in case of flood. He spent a long time on the phone to our current insurers, who in turn, very helpfully spent a long time on the phone to their underwriters, and in the end they called to say that they would indeed continue to insure us at fairly modest cost, despite the river Thames' frequent insistence on trying to move into our garden.


Although it still hasn't actually flooded here since the 1940's,  we are nevertheless seeing  the river creep closer and closer to the road, and after the road there's not a lot separating it from our house. 

For the second time in 3 weeks, the local golf course looks like this:

This is the fairway on the 16th..


Just up the road, the town of Staines recently officially changed its name to Staines-upon-Thames. A change they may now be regretting, as there is an increasing chance that they could, any day, become Staines-under-Thames, or Thames-upon-Staines.

Nowhere-IN-Thames….or « Should we build an ark ? »

It happens every time. No sooner has the Government-of-the-day or the water-authority-of-the-week declared that we’re in the grip of a drought, than we start to have downpours of biblical proportions. April showers? No, we’re sitting under something akin to a monsoon, with rain bouncing off everything, and it seems set to continue for the moment.  And this, only a couple of weeks after we were placed under drought measures here. 

TH was in boy scout mode when the impending drought measures were announced, and went straight out to buy a water-butt. Whilst applauding his initiative, I was a little disappointed to see that it was quite small. To be frank, it’s the sort of size that makes it a waste of time. There’s probably enough in it to water the garden a couple of times, and that’s it. However, it was duly installed, and, when I accidentally bumped into it the other day, water sloshed out of the top. This either proves my point, or means that we should definitely start to build an ark, as it’s only been in-situ for about three weeks..

Don’t misunderstand me, I know we need rain, that the water tables are alarmingly low and that we may yet all have to suffer further unless water supplies begin to creep back to normal. However, I am slightly selfishly concerned that Nowhere-on-Thames could, at any time, become Nowhere-IN Thames if the rains do not abate.

 Stranded people in N-o-T having their meals delivered by boat in 1947! Image from Thamesweb

Although the last time N-o-T actually flooded was in the 1940’s (and the local pub has photographs adorning the walls, showing slightly damp locals rowing boats around what, in drier times, is the village green) we’ve had a number of recent close shaves. A few years ago, the Thames rose far enough to sneak under a tunnel beneath the road up at the local golf club, and make its way back along the railway lines for some considerable distance. Apart from giving a rather dramatic display of sparks each time a train attempted to make its way past, this had the effect of placing us and our humble abode in the middle of an island in the Thames…It also spurred TH into amassing an impressive collection of sandbags, “just in case”, and me into moving all my scuba-diving equipment into one of the upstairs rooms.

 The local level crossing  in 2003..

Since then, flood defences have been built higher up the river. Which sounds good, until you understand that it’s not we, the inhabitants of Nowhere on Thames, who are being defended, but the posher, richer people (I might namedrop here, but Michael Parkinson and Rolf Harris aren’t exactly “A” list..) who live upriver in their Thames-side mansions.  Now, if there’s a flood alert, we’re not just getting our own extra water, we’re getting Rolf’s and Parky’s as well! On several occasions, the river has risen alarmingly, and TH has rushed around checking that his sandbags are still functional. Don’t imagine that I’m exaggerating the potential impact, or indeed the volume of water involved. It must be a lot: HM the Q  up the road has just finished having a huge Archimedes Screw installed in the nearby lock so she and the DoE can harness the might of the river to provide their weekend retreat with off-grid electricity!

Unless the current downpours start to ease, I am beginning to think that not applying for any Olympic tickets may have been a smart move. The rowing competitions may well be coming from our back garden..